I saw you in my dream last night. You were standing far away from me in the middle of a blizzard. You were surrounded by other people that I knew in the dream, but in reality, those people don’t even exist; they were supposedly our friends. You were wearing your everyday clothes. Were you not cold?! You must’ve been. But, it was only a dream. I’ve probably missed you a lot, really wanted to see you even if it was from a great distance, so that’s how you showed up in my dream. You started to turn into someone else as I walked closer to you. In the end, you were completely transformed into another person, somebody I knew in the dream, but nonexistent in any realit. However, something got me quite confused. At some point, I was speaking to someone about twins and triplets, small children, about young grownups taking care of new babies. I just don’t know if I had this conversation in reality, or was I repeating myself in my dream.
It is going to be rainy this weekend, which is a bit disappointing; I was expecting warm sunny days. It occurred to me later that rainy days are indeed warmer. I was a bit nervous too, for the constant pain in my stomach; it must all the food that I can’t stop eating. Do you think food and lack of concentration are correlated in any way?! I can’t stay focused for more than twenty-six minutes. What happened?! I keep remembering that sunny afternoon on the terrace as I was facing the forest, the chilly breeze around my neck just as soon as the sun was down the hill, the lights, shadows, the clapping sound of the leaves that made the whole afternoon ever so festive. Perhaps that’s why I was so disappointed about the rain, to face the reality; that afternoon belongs to the past.
The forest must look different. It’s probably gained more color since I was away; I’m always away. It’s not cold enough here, and the winter is very short, so the trees still hold their autumn colors. Hopefully, the sun would shine, would make us nice and warm for a morning walk in the forest. I would watch the leaves dance in the wind for as long as I’m not bothered by the cold.
I called mom and asked her about the color of her scarf. She was on a taxi, on her way to get some work done. I was still in bed. Our times are different, but then again, I have the luxury to stay in bed after nine o’clock in the morning. Green, she said. Perhaps she’s looked down at her scarf to remember which scarf she put on in the morning. Light and dark green with streaks of gray in
P.S. I’m leaving tomorrow for a short trip, to catch a short break. They call it a new year, and so we’ll celebrate. I’m not after big parties, but surely something fun. I don’t know if it was the best idea that I just invited myself to my friend’s house, I usually don’t invite myself to friends’ houses. I mean I do invite myself to friends’ houses, but only my old friends, people that I feel comfortable around. I’ll let you know how it’ll turn out.
29.Dec.17 – Messejana, Portugal