Lazy Letter: Out of Focus
Every tree, they say, has different tasting fruits. Just like chefs and their food. I’ve been wondering for a while now, about this orange tree I see out of my window on the other side of the street. That’s all I see, really. I mean, I obviously see other things, the view is rather rich. There’s a hill, tiny portion of the road, other trees, sheep with their shepherd every now and then. But that orange tree catches my eyes. It’s probably for the lovely contrast between the vibrant orange hue of the fruits, and the bright green color of the leaves. The tree doesn’t seem very old, but I guess it must be. It’s right next to an old well with a few stands for washing the clothes and stuff. I noticed the well has dried out long while ago as I traveled across the street to have a look, and pick some oranges for my late afternoon snack. And, still as dreamy as it looks, the oranges tasted horrible.
The sound of the clock ticking on my table is louder than ever; seconds pass by, who’s to notice except for the clock?! I still think about the very famous “what if”. I chose to stay here, in this town, in the corner of nowhere. It’s so small and unknown that even the neighboring town don’t know much about it. People keep asking “where” when I tell them where my home is for the next two months. Two, not three anymore, a month has passed already. I will leave rather soon. I won’t forget about it, but I wouldn’t be able to give a precise direction if someone asked me about it. But, generally speaking, there’s something about it. Maybe it’s the time, or this place. Maybe it’s for the cold, and the wintery weather. We can always blame things on the weather, can’t we?! I’m absolutely out of focus, getting less work done every day. That’s frustrating in a way. Although, I’m fully aware that life isn’t just about working. Sometimes you have to let the world around sink in you. Learn the language, eat more oranges, and stretch out the lunch breaks a bit longer. I think; that’s what I do a lot these days. I try to understand what my brain is contemplating, or what is this big question that it’s trying to sort. Time, perhaps that’s it. How would you tell a visual story of time?!
Not knowing that these letters would actually reach you is a bit discouraging. At some point, I decided that I wouldn’t write letters anymore. But, then I thought why would anyone stop doing something if they love doing them. I laughed at myself from the inside for this silly idea; of course I keep writing letters! Maybe I just don’t send them. And, well, loneliness is a big part of my life here, I have to confess. I will have to embrace it, otherwise, it’ll be a drag. Would make life bitter. I travel alone. I eat alone. I work alone. But perhaps, that’s for the best. It gets me thinking about the matters that I usually wouldn’t think about. I think it’s a privilege to be able to be alone. It’s not every day where you could be on your own; we’re always surrounded by people.
29. Nov.18 – Messajana, Portugal